We ask,"Who am I?" And for a lot of people that question is truly terrifying because they have no fucking clue. Just as terrifying it is to not know, it's the terror to know exactly who you are, to be so acutely aware of who you are, what the sum of all your parts adds up to, and to know exactly why you do the things you do. I know why people generally learn to love me, or flat out turn away from me. Sometimes it takes some time for that turn to happen.

I get it. We live in a world that craves insincerity. We sit around and make small talk and idle plans to "hang out" later. Sometimes it's too hard. Hard to be honest and set boundaries and let people know just what you really feel. So we lie. We lie out of our asses and tell people we're "fine" when we aren't and keep people in the dark about the nasties we are feeling. Until those people unknowingly trigger those nasty feelings and we lash out and suddenly are telling those people just how horrible they are.

I suck at boundaries. No. I sucked out boundaries. I'd say this last year, one of the lessons I am so grateful for is learning just where my boundaries are and learning how to set them well in advance. Let's go back. In high school I had few friends. I was bitchy and crass and sarcastic. Most teenagers don't take kindly to being told about themselves. After I had Leena and started really exploring who I was as a person and questioning the teachings of my childhood, and why people kept abandoning me, I went to the extreme side. I shoved down my inherit bitchiness, thinking that would keep people from leaving me. This energy that is in the world of "Love and Light" and being kind, gentle warriors. I tried. I was love and light. I was doing yoga and meditating and finding my zen center, trying to do all the "right" things in this energetic space. I was also super lonely. I had so much community but not really anyone who truly knew me. I was crawling out of my skin that pulled too tight because it didn't fit and kept me as a small version of myself.

I'm embracing it. I'm a nasty woman. A nasty woman that loves deeply and feels everything and also will tell you to get your fucking shit together. I am harsh. I am bitchy. I am sassy and sarcastic. In all those ways I am a total Aries as the world views Aries. But, what others view as a weakness or problem, I view as a beautiful addition to my personality. I am messy and can be shady with the best of them but you need me? I got your back. I am not nice or gentle. I am that motherfucking bull in a china shop. You need someone to tell you what you don't want to hear? I got'chu. I'll also hold your hand while you make the changes you wish to make in your own life.

Living an authentic life generally means living a lonely life. One with many many painful endings. But it also means having those relationships and moments in life that are so painfully beautiful that you almost can't stand it. Almost.

What have you been told is a problem with you? Because I'll be your mirror and tell you just how amazing that makes you.