I mean, clearly, I’m writing this blog at nearly 3 am. The insomnia I once knew, intimately, is slowly returning. Such is life during a pandemic while navigating compounded grief, I guess. There is sadness muffling the edges of all my choices and thoughts, all the borders of my vision but it’s also fueling me to live a better, fuller life. I have been chasing that life for as I can remember. There is more to what is being presented to us at all times by society, by capitalism, by the fractures between us as humans who haven’t been truly taught how to connect with one another. While my interactions may be duller in a lot of ways, there is also a level of technicolor I am currently residing in, creating from. Everything that has happened over the last, nearly year, has shown me to truly fight for my boundaries that are a necessity for me to function, and also to chase and capture that always just out of reach life I’ve been trailing but never seemingly catching up to.

I’m seeing it. I’m finally catching up to it. I’m right on its tail. I believe in the universe and its infinite goodness. I’ll continue fighting for what is right and just. I’m certain it often looks a bit unhinged from an outsider’s perspective, and that’s okay.

For the first time, I feel like I’m finally creating from a place that is truly pure, truly me. Not watering myself down to be palatable to the masses, not hoping I look “nice” and presentable. I’m done with that. I was subconsciously looking for validation of my voice from others, which took me a long while to finally see that I was doing so.

My hope for everyone during this pandemic and just bizarrely surreal year, is that you too will come out of it being authentically you.

I love you.