Grief is an interesting beast. On one hand it’s keeping you up at night, thoughts swirling but not focusing on any one thing in particular. Sometimes it’s waking up and immediately feeling it knock the wind out of you. Almost all the time, it’s a dull aching, lingering at the nape of your neck, tingling down your spine, letting you know it’s always with you. And on the other hand, it can unlock something within you that you didn’t know existed. I’ve been called to draw, to sketch, to paint, to create in ways I never gravitated specifically towards before because the results always left me disappointed.

I’m honoring what grief is telling me. How it’s guiding my daily practices. I am trying to nurture these new found ways of creating. I’m finally seeing things coming from my brain, being translated on paper/canvas in ways I recognize, instead of some jumbled mess, destined for the scrap heap, and leaving me more frustrated in the end. It’s opening me up and allowing things to flow through me as a means to work through my days. And I’m grateful for that at least.

It’s odd how grief doesn’t manifest itself only in trip you up and beat you down sort of ways. Sometimes the side effects of grief can be beautiful. And now that I’m reflecting on this, I guess grief exactly mimics the life and death of a person. It’s full of magnificence, full of sorrow, full of epiphanies, and full of pain. It’s all encompassing, the life death life cycle, so I guess it makes sense that the grief those feel in the wake of death would be the same.

I’m currently asking people to let me know what they would name this painting. If your name gets chosen, I will put a little gift in the mail to you. Let me know in the comments.

*I found patreon very suffocating. I felt as if I was only worth something to people if I was constantly creating, or sending them goodies every month. I would like to focus the energy of sharing my life, my process, myself here, for everyone to have access to. If you find my words, my art meaningful to you in some way, might I put it out there that a donation to help keep me in art supplies (and having the ability to pay my bills) would be very much appreciated if you have the means. You can do that here. In any case, however, I appreciate each and every single one of you and hope you are well.