A few days ago I watched some watercolor videos by a favorite artist and got inspired by her technique of working with the unpredictable qualities of watercolor. I was excited to see the process of using them in an abstract way within the parameters of portrait painting. I went to work the next morning and worked on a vision I got in my head and was pretty pleased with the results. During a break from packing up books yesterday, another one of my favorite artists posted a photo of themselves that I knew instantly I wanted to try to paint with these new techniques. Joey also had ordered me some more watercolor paper since I had run out, so this felt like a great task to take on to break in the new pad.

This painting came out beyond what I possibly imagined I could paint. It’s the art piece I’ve been most happy with in my entire life. Buzzing off that high, I started in on a painting of one of my nieces. Very shortly into the process I became frustrated and felt like I forgot all of these techniques I just seemed to grasp well in the painting of Bill. Currently the painting is sitting on my shipping table and I’m in this weird state of wanting to work on it but also very annoyed at it and not sure I want to focus on it.

As I dive deeper and deeper into these art forms that are out of my comfort zone of conceptual photography, I find myself learning lessons of discipline, working on something even when I am irritated at my skill level in creating the image I hoped for. My brain seems to work in two strong binaries when it comes to art, being stuck in creating something as close to the reference as possible, or of creating from my mind, being able to see it as an abstract concept. I’m trying to break that, in trying to use a reference photo but to teach my brain how to work it into a more abstract concept.

I tell my kids all the time, when they are frustrated at their artistic abilities and where they hope for their own abilities to be, that it all just comes down to practice, and now, I’m having to teach myself these lessons, intensely.