Two nights ago, I had a dream that took place at my grandmother’s house. At my grandmother’s front door, it rests tucked away behind a tiny gate, under an eave, and has a little fountain, and some sort of palm like plant that I used to sit behind as a child. In my dream I walked out into this area, at a house I felt so much peace and comfort at, and I looked at the plant. Brownie laid, wrapped up a bit in a leaves like a blanket, resting, and not resting as in sleeping but resting as in “at rest.” I felt peace, an overwhelming amount of peace, that Brownie was no longer weary. There was no sadness, just a deep relief.

I’m not sure what it means, that I dreamed of my long time friend and companion finally resting at my grandmother’s house who I recently lost as well but it felt like my grandma telling me it will be okay and that Brownie will be ushered to whatever may come next by a familiar spirit. And for that I am grateful.

These moments in life are fleeting and all consuming at the same time. For the past 3 months we’ve been in a hospice sort of limbo with our dog. I had to search through my phone photos just now to figure out how long it’s been because it seems like we have been nursing her through this transition for so much longer. I wish everyday that she may go peacefully on her time, knowing we all love her very very much. The last couple of weeks, I have watched her body wear out. She is eating more than she had been for a long while, since we changed her food to be a bit easier on her body, and her broken teeth, yet her body thins drastically. She sleeps longer and deeper. Her gait becomes more strained. But her spirit is still high. She follows me closely, whether it be to the bathroom or to the kitchen when I go to get some food.

I’m coming to a point when life started getting extremely overwhelming and uncertain this time last year. It’s been quite a ride, these last 10/11 months and the thing I am grateful for with the world halting, slowing, for a bit, is that it has made very easy to be here, be present with her through this. I’m not sure how things will shift in the time after Brownie, all I know is that I’m very grateful to get to walk with her on this new shift in her journey.